非洲人挑丝袜。老子是烧锅炉的凤凰噻。。。

非洲人挑丝袜 朋友被一个问题困扰了很久：

非洲人在挑肉色丝袜时，是不是应该挑黑色丝袜？

老子是烧锅炉的凤凰噻。。。 麻雀和乌鸦一起摆龙门阵。

麻雀说：你是啥子鸟哦？

乌鸦说：我是凤凰噻！

麻雀：哪有你龟儿子这么黑的凤凰哦？

乌鸦：你晓得个铲铲，老子是烧锅炉的凤凰噻。。。

爱情测试：一封与众不同的情书及美妙的回复！ 爱情，是一个永久的话题！人一旦遇到爱情，就会激发他（她）无限的创造力。比如这封来自远古的情书，再比如这封火星文的情书，再再比如这封隐藏在摩斯密码中的情书……而下面这个又是一封情书，一封与众不同的情书，看看吧，说不定你会用得到！

我最亲爱的Reshma，请回答下面的问卷，计分如下：

A、10分B、5分C、3分

①每次你走进教室，你的目光总会落在我身上，是因为：

A、爱我B、情不自禁要看到我C、真的么？我有这么做么？

②每次教授讲笑话，你都会大笑并转过头看我，是因为：

A、你总是喜欢看我笑B、你想知道我喜欢不喜欢笑话C、你被我的笑容吸引

③当你在班上唱歌，我一进来你就马上不唱了，是因为：

A、你不好意思在我面前唱歌B、我的出现影响到你了C、你担心我会不会喜欢你唱的歌

④当你展示童年照片的时候，我向你要，但你把它藏起来了，是因为：

A、你觉得害羞B、你觉得不自在C、你不知道

⑤出游的时候，我和朋友都向你伸出手要拉你一把，但是你只拉住了他的手，是因为：

A、你想看到我失望B、一旦握住了我的手，你就不想放开C、你不知道

⑥你昨天等车的时候，却没有上车……

A、你在等我B、你在想着我，没注意到车来了C、车太挤了

⑦你爸妈来学校的时候，你把我介绍给他们，是因为：

A、我将成为你的新郎B、你只想知道你爸妈怎么看我C、就是想把我介绍给他们

⑧我说过我喜欢女孩带玫瑰。第二天你头上就戴了朵玫瑰花，是因为：

A、满足我的愿望B、你喜欢玫瑰花C、碰巧你有朵玫瑰花

⑨那天，是我生日。你一大早6：00就到了庙里，是因为：

A、你希望和我一起祈祷B、你想在我生日那天第一个见到我C、因为你有信仰，所以想在庙里祝福我

如果你的得分超过40，你就是爱上我了，赶快说出来吧！如果你的得分在30-40之间，爱情已经在你心中含苞待发！如果你的得分低于30，你还在怀疑到底爱不爱我？

衷心期待你的回复……

爱你的，Aakash

————————————————回复如下————————————————

Aakash，请回答下面的判断题。

①如果有人坐在第一排，一般来说当别人进入教室，会看到他们。

A、是B、否

②当一个女孩笑、瞟见所有人的时候，这是爱情么？

A、是B、否

③唱歌的时候忘了词，他/她会不会停下来？

A、是B、否

④我那时候正在给我的女性朋友看我小时候的照片，你把凑上来了，对么？

A、是B、否

⑤我不想在出游的时候拉你的手，你还不明白么？

A、是B、否

⑥我不该在公车站等我的好朋友Anjali么？

A、是B、否

⑦我不该把你当作一个朋友介绍给我爸妈么？

A、是B、否

⑧你还说你喜欢莲花、花椰菜，香蕉开的花，对吧？

A、是B、否

⑨那是你的生日啊？之所以我会在庙里看见你，是因为我每天都去庙里，你知道么？

A、是B、否

如果你有任何一个答案是“是”，那么我并不喜欢你。如果你回答了“不是”，那你根本不了解什么是爱，希望你都明白了！

附上英文原文，感觉上面的译文有的地方不流畅，烦请精通英文的同学给指正一下。

My Dearest Reshma,Please answer the following questionnaire.

For Options(A) 10 marks(b) 5marks and(c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love

(b) you couldn＂＂t control seeing me

(c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling

(b) you are testing whether I like jokes

(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me

(b) my presence influenced you

(c) you feared that whether I＂＂ll like your song

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed

(b) you felt uneasy

(c) you don＂＂t know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend＂＂s because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment

(b) you won＂＂t feel leaving my hand after grabbing

(c) you don＂＂t know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn＂＂t get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me

(b) you were dreaming about me and didn＂＂t notice the bus

(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom

(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me

(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish

(b) you like roses

(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me

(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday

(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don＂＂t delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it＂＂s getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love, Aakash

————————————Reply————————————

Aakash,Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... right ?

(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn＂＂t you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn＂＂t I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana＂＂s flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That＂＂s why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don＂＂t know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.

你就是一切 眼泪汪汪的寡妇向律师询问亡夫的遗嘱。 “很抱歉，”他说，“但您的丈夫把他所有的一切都交给贫穷寡妇之家了。” “那我呢？”她问。 “你就是他所有的一切。”

英语课 一天，一个英语老师在课上问一个学生问题：How are you?是什么意思？那个学生说想，How是怎么的意思，are 是 “是”的意思you是你的意思，就说“怎么是你？”老师很生气，又问另一个学生“How old are you”是什么意思？他说“怎么老是你？”

习 惯 有个退休上校遇到他在军中时的勤务兵，勤务兵也刚好退役了，于是少校就雇他为男仆！并且吩付他像以前一样每天早上八点叫他起床！ 第二天早上八点时，这位勤务兵走进他主人的卧室，叫他起来，然后又在上校太太的屁股上打了一下，说：姑娘！！该回家了！